a tough question

-preamble-
i walked with P from the lt to the earth lab [yes..for a geog tutorial]. we talked random things along the way till we reached the lab. the earlier class wasnt done yet so we were just standing outside. i saw another geog friend and well..called out J**** W*** and had some small talk. then P with a rather pensive face asked "are you an extroverted or introverted person?" i dunno if the series of events had anything to do with the question though.

to which i must say is a very tough question and has actually been something i have been thinking about.

-attempt at giving an answer-
for the longest time, my answer to that question would definitely be that im an extrovert. since young, i have been known to like talking to older people [and not be afraid], enjoy talking in general and be confident about it. various personality tests confirmed/reinforced it through the years.

but perhaps cos im older and thus more aware of more things, i have started wondering if my "sanguine-ness" has been diminishing. its because of certain erm..trends i have been noticing.

- if im in a crowd of strangers/people i am not close to, i tend to shut up. this is especially so if they are getting along perfectly fine as they are and/or i have certain preconceived ideas about the group. i cannot pretend to be all chummy with them and talk.

- i am not a good "new friend" maker - i dun like talking to those of whom i have zero knowledge of. partly cos i find it quite fake esp if the person pretends to know me very well. and also cos awkward pauses are called awkward for a reason. this said, if i have to, i can and will take the first step to talk to a person i dun know. this is especially so if i can tell that the person is even more apprehensive abt things than me, or if i am in a position which requires it.

- i just ain't as noisy/ready to talk as in the past lah. i have mellowed down quite a bit i think

but then, thinking of myself as an introverted person doesnt quite cut the bill either. i am hardly what you will call a shy person in any case. im too opininated and ready with words to qualify under that category i think. and i know that if my surroundings are too quiet for too long i get a bit uneasy. unless its home when i want to recharge away from any external stimuli. but largely, to a certain extent, i thrive on being actively engaged [making good noise]. perhaps these things that i refer to are but stereotypes that i assumed introverts do not exhibit but oh well..

-and so the conclusion of the matter-
i cant really place myself in a category anymore. im somewhere in between both ends. sometimes i wonder if i have always been this although somehow i managed to convince myself that i was well and truly extroverted. down with personality tests! although, i am quite good talking [crap or serious stuff] with people i know relatively well and im comfortable with. perhaps its a trust issue on a certain level? shall leave it for another blog post for the future.

yes, i would never be the kind who instantly knows everyone nor the person who says all the funny things. but it doesnt matter. i just thank God for providing enough friends in every season of my life, and the few who would probably be "evergreen". He just knows lah:)