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Monday, February 27, 2006

the light of my soul


the flame flickers
dancing in the breeze
burns bright in stillness
the winds come
it fights valiently
but nearly loses it
the fire blown out
into a weak glowing ember
i try to protect it
will i lose the fight?
how can i save
the light of my soul?
[270206]


*was talking to a friend yesterday. after hearing and later digesting everything she said, i just needed to write something out of it. indeed, is my/our faith able to withstand all attempts that try to 'kill' it?

9:55 AM
heaven in a wildflower

Thursday, February 23, 2006

when i say i am a christian


when i say "i am a christian"
i'm not shouting "i am saved"
i'm whispering "i was lost"
"thats why i chose His way"


when i say "i am a christian"
i don't speak of this with pride
i'm confessing that i stumble
needing God to be my guide


when i say "i am a christian"
i'm not trying to be strong
i'm professing that i am weak
and pray for the strength to carry on


when i say "i am a christian"
i'm not bragging of success
i'm admitting i have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt


when i say "i am a christian"
i don't think i know it all
i submit to my confusion
asking humbly to be taught


when i say "i am a christian"
i'm not claiming to be perfect
my flaws are too visible
but God believes i am worth it


when i say "i am a christian"
i still feel the sting of pain
i have my share of heartaches
which is why i seek His name


when i say "i am a christian"
i do not wish to judge
i have no authority
i only know i'm loved


Carol Wimmer - Chicken soup for the christian family's soul

3:31 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

'induction' induced jitters


went down to pl today today for the induction
and to meet the teacher who i am taking over


-2 pm-
arrived at pl
signed in at the guard house, got a visitor(?) pass
bumped into an ex teacher while walking to the staff room
met the very pregnant mrs tee who i will be relief-ing
discussed the classes, lessons and other what-nots
workload is not too bad i must say


-230 pm-
followed mrs koh to the conference room
met the other people in the same shoes as me
some[most] were nie trainees though
introductions were done
long speechs/talks by the 'higher ups'
basically about school culture, expectations of us etc
well..teaching is not as glamourous as it seems


-430 pm-
school tour of some sorts
compared to the original building, this school is HUGE
and very confusing [individual buildings all over]
o well..have to get used to it


today formally signalled the start of my 2nd and in a sense, long awaited job. will go into the serious/pensive stuff in the next entry i think. dun really want to mix genres lah:) till then, it has been an exhuasting yet lovely time of shopping[just ask my friends] and painful money spending. sigh..

11:02 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

the final goodbyes


despite having officially left the kindergarten
i still went back to help the past 2 days
well..i had nothing else to do,
they really need the help and
i cant bear to leave the job!


anyway..said the final[i mean FINAL] goodbyes today
feel that it is better this way
took home my fork and spoon, and tupperware
before leaving, peng lao shi commented that i looked sad
well..i was[the sense of finality lah]
but there will be chances to visit:)
and i am supposed to report my a level results to them!


till then
its "hello pl!"
a whole new experience waiting for me

4:05 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Saturday, February 18, 2006

earning my keep


since the new year rolled in
i have had to manage my finances
with no extra help[from the folks that is]


in a way, its actually quite fun
learning to spend wisely and/or save money
and to rationalise through decisions


not that i never knew how to do it
but when its your own money you are spending
somehow these things come more naturally, dun they?


its exciting to earn my own money
yet..i know the responsibilty is there
and the duty to give back what belongs to Him

9:13 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Friday, February 17, 2006

a handful of sunflower seeds


i have officially left my job at bethesda(bukit arang) kindergarten. really sad but im leaving with wonderful memories of the people and the place:)


unlike many others out there..i really loved my job. my siblings and mom can comfirm that..being the ever available audience of the stories that i went home with daily. like i said a few blog entries earlier..i never intended to get such a job, but through some extensive networking and God's hand in it, i did. the past 7 weeks have been one of the greatest times of my life, really:)


still remember the first 2 days of work. thrusted into an environment that i was not familiar with, i groped around to stay afloat. getting to know the teachers who i were helping, learning the way things were done, breaking the ice with the kids, getting acquinted with the parents and erm..getting used to my title. i didnt really know my place and the teachers didnt really know what i could do..but things eventually got much better:)


little nuggets of memories
-the pre-nursery kids: if i could put all their names down i would. but some of the more memorable ones and my favourite kids are klesa[it was an open secret that she was my fav kid:)], lek yi, natalie, sarah, wan xuan, perez and sean chew. if i ever get to meet them on the streets..that would really make my day:)


helping around with the three years was hardly work per se. i mostly played with them, brought them to the toilet, made them line up etc.. there was no teaching/major disciplining within my job scope. one thing that made the 'work' so fulfilling was the inherent character of little children. they are so sincere[even when they are naughty!] and love truely flows freely from their hearts. little gestures like a hug, a sweet smile or a kiss are unwithheld. sigh..i would really miss them. perhaps the only regret is that they would never remember me, not for long anyway. and that i dun have any photos of them at all.


the other kids: kids that i got to know during the 'transition time' - when the afternoon kids come earlier then the dismisal of the morning kids. to me, they were the hardest to get to know cos of the sheer lack of time. well..i made some good friends from there:)


-the pre-nursery teachers: ms yiu and peng lao shi. they were the ones whom i assisted the past 7 weeks. they are great people. the loud and gregarious ms yiu and the very motherly and good-natured lao shi. they are obviously 2 very different people but somehow they get along very well. they gave me a really sweet farewell gift today- a bag of soil and some sunflower seeds, and the invitation to drop by anytime i liked:) i thank God for giving me the 2 of them to work with and i truely wish God's blessing upon each of them


-the other teachers and ms low[principal]: despite my 'attachment' the the pre-nursery class, there were instances when i got deployed to help in other classes. when one nursery teacher was on mc and during the chinatown trips. well..though my direct contact with them have been limited, the teachers have been very friendly and as my mom puts it, 'sayang-ed' me alot. thank God for them too:) ms low, well..like any other principal,she is a little naggy and everything but you can really see her love for the kids. and the love from the kids to her too.


uncle ooi: the 78 year old kinderagrten supervisor. he is a very soft-spoken and grandfatherly figure in the kindergarten. kids really swarm to him like bees to a honey pot! just a gentle stroke on the face or the holding of a crying child's hand is able to settle most children. he usually is a familiar figure in the pre-nursery class helping out with the more difficult ones. its no secret that over the years, he has collected a sizable number of 'grandchildren':)


there is so much more that i want to blog down, and even more that cannot be put down in words. things like the very delicious lunches that aunty yin provides, touching snippets of love you get to see everyday between parents and child, naughty kids who i really wished to throw out of the class, learning to cope with kids who have special needs..words truely fail me. i really marvel at the ablity of the teachers to teach these young children. i have come to fully realise that to 'stand' such a job, one must need a great love for the children. after all..the pay is nothing great though the non-tangible rewards are pretty good:) and i see that love in the teachers.


it has been an experience for me. and i would never have traded it for anything else. i am indeed relectant to leave for 'greener pastures' at pl. God has been very good to me this whole time - giving a job that didnt feel like one at all, a workplace with a strong christian culture and belief, wonderful people[teachers] from whom i have learnt loads from. what more can i say but thank you Lord:)


it has been a most meaningful 7 weeks. if only time would stop.

3:55 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

my HOT date plus musings


that just sounds so suggestive doesnt it?
but relax..it was a harmless and innocent day out
with erica, sam and bonnie:)


met at j8 at about 3
and i played bonnie out[or so she claims]
we were supposed to dress up
well..i did bring my skirt along *sheepish grin*


went round shopping for my teacher clothes
and i am one picky shopper
they got really irritated with me i think
but i left with 1 top, 1 skirt and 1 very teacher-ish dress:)
and about $100 poorer


whats a gathering with them without food?
and we really outdid ourselves this time
dinner at cafe cartel again[its like the place we always go]
and drinks at coffeebean
life is good isnt it?
-end of recollection-


actually its, in a way, appropriate that i spent valentine's day with them. afterall..taking away my famaily members, they are indeed the people that i treasure the most:) [dun get swell-headed erica and bonnie:)] anyway..valentine's day is not solely for the celebration of romantic love but it in general. so heads up all the swinging singles out there..there's more to life then moaning over the lack of someone to share feb 14th with.


despite all the commercialisation of the day that leaches on the human desire to be pampered silly, we must not forget the greatest source of LOVE we have. yup..God. if not for His act of love on the cross we would never have to chance to know what truely love is. indeed..God is love. and 'john 3:16' spells His love to us all most beautifully:)


For God so loved the world, that He gave His only son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life.
john 3:16


*a song i learnt at the kindergarten


God's love is like a circle
A circle big and round
And when you have a circle
No ending can be found
And so the love of Jesus
Goes on eternally
Forever and forever
I know that He loves me:)


happy belated valentine's day one and all:)

4:20 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Sunday, February 12, 2006

reviving friendships


been meeting up with friends recently:)

-thurs-
met cindy, grace and xiao hui at j8 for dinner
had nice food at cafe cartel
wowing over the huge portions they gave
had a great time chit-chatting
exchanging experiences at our jobs
3 of us work in kindergartens!
and realising the real deal behind kueh lapis


had 'desert' at macs
over ice cream sundaes and cones
yup..we were seriously pigging out that day:)
walked around a little looking for teacher clothes for me
cindy was recommending the 'wrong' things though:)
managed to buy a top for only 12 bucks!
i cant wait for the next gathering:)
grace..you planning it right?


-sat-
dinner with pei yee and OZ's timekeeper:)
arranged very last minute-ly to visit su zhen
at her nice workplace
met aaron at orchard mrt and we walked to tanglin mall
its a very long walk..
it was a hilarious time together:)
we were making so so so much noise


the food was not bad, the company was first rate:)
miss everyone so much!
and arron's such a complainer
if you didnt already know that..
pei yee has amusing parents too:)


-next tues-
HOT date with my bestest pals
stay tune:)

7:42 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

His hand in everything


its really funny how things are moving along
in a way..i kinda wish that the pl job didnt exist
to begin the long story..


since last year i have been saying that i wanted relief teaching
for the experience
and the advertising from erica:)
the very attractive pay helped too


did what i had to do..
filled in forms online and in pl
asked around other schools through friends
sat around and waited


no post came by
and the new year started
by God's grace and aunty seelin
i landed the job at the kindergarten


although it was something that i never considered
i have truely grown to love my job
playing with the kids, mixing with the teachers
life really couldnt ever get better


just when i gave up waiting, pl gave me a call
asked me to go for an interview
i did and somehow i passed it
now another job waits for me


i am happy to get the job
but on the other hand..very very sad
where i am now, relationships have been formed
friendships that i would hate to give up


as circumstances force me to leave the job earlier
more things are making me want to stay behind
sigh..really wonder what God is doing through everything
i cant really see His masterplan now


thoughts like "i made the wrong decisions"
and "only if.." cloud my mind sometimes
i really believe that God knows best
but the human mind cannot grasp that so well


*sigh..was just in one of the moods

9:02 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Monday, February 06, 2006

all good things come to an end


at the way things are looking
i have to leave my current job in about 2 weeks time
sigh..really dun want to leave it
and i feel so bad leaving them just like that
and i will miss the kids to bits!


my staint at pl has been revised to start approx on 20th feb
which means i cannot finish the term at the kindergarten
so far my official last day is on feb 17th
but i think i will cont to go back everyday for as long as i can
we'll see how things go

4:47 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

a divided people


*not sure how exactly to go about blogging about this. highly sensitive issue but i will try to be as candid as possible. to the people who i may refer to, pls dun take everything the wrong way k


was having lunch with my cousin and her husband when we started talking about a problem in their church. its the very problem that my own church is facing too. as they shared more about it, i was really comforted that things were not actually very bad in my church.


what am i actually referring to? a pretty serious problem know as church divisions. a situation when the members of the same church belong to opposite "camps". sometimes, things esclate,very sadly, to a territorial battle between the different groups. to think that such things happen in a christian setting that preaches of a unity in Christ.


to share a little more about what has been happening at my church. some of you may know that i belong to both the youth groups, 'crosslink' and 'youth ministry' that operate on saturday and sunday respectively. what started as an amiable relationship between both groups deteroiated to one that was full of tension about a year plus back due to a variety of reasons. a sizable number of us got caught in the middle of everything - we were attending and serving on both sides. each had different ways of doing things, differents styles of worship and dunno if this is the right way to put it, different convictions at times. of course, human pride complicated things a great deal too. thankfully, the situation is getting a little better now.


all along, especially when i started holding a position in crosslink, i had been bothered by this issue. i just felt so confused and sometimes irritated by the outlook of things. there were times when it certainly felt as if i was doing certain things out of obligations and duties. really dunno how things are going to improve but i pray that the new com would be wise in the efforts to bridge both ministries together.


but..like i said earlier, relatively speaking things are not too bad in my church. in my cousin's church, the problem is much bigger and concerns a whole lot more people. we are talking about two seperate services in their case. and there, you choose one between the two. bascially the root of the problem is the same as my church - different styles, different views on worship and, if i dare say, on theology too. o well..guess its a kind of power play and when the grown ups are at it..things usually are not so nice. i dun think that i should put the name of their church up here but pls pray for them k.


i think that everyone involved in such a thing knows that its wrong and should never be condoned. yet..we allow these things to perpetuate and sow discord among fellow believers. well..there is much that i can say but i thought that two passages in the bible[thanks liwei for one of them] would be better.


Divisions in the Church
I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought. My brothers, some from Chloe's household have informed me that there are quarrels among you.What I mean is this: One of you says, "I follow Paul"; another, "I follow Apollos"; another, "I follow Cephas"; still another, "I follow Christ."


Is Christ divided? Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized into the name of Paul?
1 cor 1:10-13


On Divisions in the Church
Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly—mere infants in Christ. I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready.You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly? Are you not acting like mere men?For when one says, "I follow Paul," and another, "I follow Apollos," are you not mere men?


What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow. The man who plants and the man who waters have one purpose, and each will be rewarded according to his own labor. For we are God's fellow workers; you are God's field, God's building.
1 cor 3:1-9


yup..there should only be unity among believers. conflicts and disagreements would naturally happen from time to time but never should they be the catalyst for factions within the body of church. in the sinfulness of us all, lets continue and strive to truely learn the godly way of living on this earth.

3:38 PM
heaven in a wildflower