reflecting on the past, anticipating the future


i know that the reflections bit is a wee bit late but i just that i didnt have time to sit down and blog properly the past few days. in any case, its better late than never right? and its not exactly a 'total' reflection cos there are just some things that are too personal to share here.


2005 saw me through many new and unprecedented challenges - OZ, the various school exams, serving in church[crosslink and youth], facing struggles head-on, slight health issues...yet i have to say that the year was good, in all sense of the word, and i truely thank God for His hand in everything.


*i am not touching on school stuff. did a reflection on that after grad day. if you want to look at it..go look for it then:)


church ministry - in terms of commitment, this year has been a busy one. i was in the crosslink com, WAIT team and OUT team. perhaps one thing that i learnt this year was to remain faithful in my service despite tough struggles and disagreements. it has been hard but by God's grace i pulled through the year and emerged a hopefully, better person. i thank God for the opportunity to be part of the biggest crosslink event that climaxed in the production of a great cd:) its so so so wonderful to see God's hand work in everything. the awesome fun of painting the wall in church was ubber nice too:)


family - i think God for the strong relationship bonds that exist in my family. granted we are like any typical chinese family most of the time but we know that each loves all the others very much:) life dealt my family with a rather difficult situation this year and i am proud to know that we stood by each other and trotted down the path as one. think that i can safely say that our faith in God and in each other increased following the event. as for my extended family on both sides, i can only humbly adknowledge God's providence and marvel at the strength of kinship and love.


friends - thank God for my ever faithful friends known as erica, samantha and bonnibel:) despite the fact that we chose to enter different jcs we managed to stay as a foursome and continue all that we always did. true, the friendships has been evolving along the way but it still counts that we are all in it together. love each of them so much. this year i made some 'unlikely' friendships and its certainly a wonder that we can get to be good friends:) o well..God sometimes works in mysterious ways:)


self - honestly speaking, 2005 was a year of many struggles, mostly in my christian walk. dealing with sin and doubts, breaking promises and falling into temptations. yet..despite all these, i think that God has allowed me to grow in Him. perhaps in a different way compared to the past 2 years before[2003 and 2004]. i know myself that in the course of the year i formed convictions and i pray that i would have the determination to carry them through, forever. one thing which i know that i really have to improve on is my rapidly shortening 'fuse'. many people have never seen the ugly side of me but my unfortunate younger siblings have been bearing the brunt of things. i really need to find a way to keep my disgusting temper in check.


-new year 'resolutions and hopes'-


>to devise any solutions to keep my mouth in check and prevent my tongue from spewing any hurtful/unnecessary words.


>to somehow get my lazy butt to do some regular exercise. i have been procastinating for far too long


>to read all the new christian books that i have. and i have 4 so far. dun think this will be too difficult cos i do devour books pretty fast. but the more important thing is to apply the things that i get for the books into my life.


>that my friendships made in jc can somehow be sustained in the new year. i know that it will be difficult but i want to try my best and do my part:) and of course to continue making new friends:)


>that i would accept whatever plans God has for me in 2006. many things are so uncertain now and i honestly dun know how things will turn out. but its my sincere hope that i will have enough faith to believe that God knows the best and enough humility to accept whatever happens. this applies to everything - next step of education, new ministry roles in church, and even in terms of relationships.


>to learn to love the world a little more and thank God more. i think its so easy to think that life sucks big time all the time and we never truely gives thanks for what blessings we have. lets start thanking God all the time:)


technically its jan 1st 2006 by almost 3 hours. like i said i really dun know what 2006 holds for me. come 3rd jan, i suspect that i would not even know where to place myself on the earth. suddenly eveything that used to define my life in singapore is not longer there. it certainly would take some getting used to. but i hope to find some work[anyone with options available?] and use my time wisely.


*thought this song would be a really apt ending to this entry. truely i dun know about tomorrow but i know who holds my hand and the one who feeds the sparrow is the one who stands by me.


-I dont know about tomorrow-


I don't know about tomorrow,
I just live from day to day.
I don't borrow from it's sunshine,
For it's skies may turn to gray.
I don't worry o'er the future,
For I know what Jesus said,
And today I'll walk beside Him,
For He knows what is ahead.


[Refrain]
Many things about tomorrow,
I don't seem to understand;
But I know Who holds tomorrow,
And I know Who holds my hand.


Ev'ry step is getting brighter,
As the golden stairs I climb;
Ev'ry burden's getting lighter;
Ev'ry cloud is silver lined.
There the sun is always shining,
There no tear will dim the eyes,
At the ending of the rainbow,
Where the mountains touch the sky.


I don't know about tomorrow,
It may bring me poverty;
But the One Who feeds the sparrow,
Is the One Who stands by me.
And the path that be my portion,
May be through the flame or flood,
But His presence goes before me,
And I'm covered with His blood.


*last words: do not worry [matt6:25-34]