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Sunday, February 25, 2007

zhai jian

it has been a whirlwind 2 weeks with agnes back

- chinese new year which of cos is terribly busy
- shopping and eating out trips
- not seeing her enough cos she is somewhere outthere galivanting with her friends
- watching "da chang jin" over again from her laptop, squeezed on the sofa
- lots of laughs and funny, sometimes witty sometimes stupid jokes

it was hard doing everything in 2 weeks
i know for one thing she didnt get down to studying all the things she brought back
my essay writing has been well..a bit slow cos of all the dvd watching
thank God for the mid sem break that coincided with her back here
if not..i'll probably have seen her less often than her friends did
which is not a good thing seen from any angle

i know once she is there we wont talk a lot
my parents do their calling while im still asleep in the mornings
most times our msn conversations are quite short cos of time constraints on either side
and 'email correspondances' does not seem to exist in her vocab
our emails are usually very functional for some reason
i keep scolding her abt it but she hasnt improved yet
o well..what can i do?

so she is off again
this time for 6 months till she is back for good
good enough for 6 years at least
so zhai jian then:)

may the good Lord bless and keep you [and us]

11:52 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Thursday, February 22, 2007

fieldwork

you know you have a wonderful bunch of groupmates when..
you all can decide to go eat ben and jerry's together:)

my tourism group arranged to do our fieldwork today
it had to be done at bras basah complex
we met early for lunch at the jack's place there
the steak was good:) and i heard the others were nice too
and a certain waiter in there was erm..gay as usually known
it was so painful watching him - stickers on his nails, pink wristband..

anyways..after a satisfying lunch we started doing our surveys around the place
it wasnt too bad..the people i asked were generally nice enough to do it
and cos there were 5 of us, we finished up pretty fast:)
we went to recce the place we wanted to "develop" for the project
and realised it was going to be harder than we thought
but we'll manage i guess..we did think up of some pretty good ideas:)

i wanted to bring everyone [- jaslin cos she had to go off] to tea bone zen mind
cos it was just across the street and is a very nice place
BUT it was closed cos of the cny break:(
so we walked through raffles hotel to raffles city for ice cream
and we ended up at ben and jerry's eating our hearts out

know i have said this before
but i really thank God for this group
not that my other groups are bad
but this group is really super duper great:)
God given i tell you

7:32 PM
heaven in a wildflower


our hip hop happening aunt:)

the girls met our YOUNG [as she believes] aunt for dinner today

esther gave a treat cos she was compelled too
the aunt recommended her to a tuition kid [and she is making alot of money from it]
i actually was supposed to be the one but i kinda dun have the time for it
agnes well..no one would stop her from coming right:)
dennis and sharon..last minute back out of the dinner

so it was the 4 of us together for dinner
we ate at the swensens place at vivocity
its a nice and comfortable place
food is a tad expensive though
although esther paid within her budget
the company was the best though:)
the aunt is simply hilarious, like really really funny

we adjourned to hagen daaz for ice cream after that
yup..from one ice cream place to another
the 4 of us shared 2 portions and we were so stuffed by the end
my aunt wanted to bring us [them] to this foot massage place
[i refuse to have such unnecessary pain inflicted on myself]
but it turned out to be too late to do it
so we all headed back home

hmm..i guess this aunt has been one that i have been slightly closer too
apparently when i was a kid i liked to hang around her and my other younger uncles
i just loved talking to them [what we talked abt i have no idea now]
when i was 10 she brought me out alone once
we watched 'george of the jungle' and ate at macs i think
it wasnt anything much but well..meant the world to a 10 year old kid:)
was supposed to go japan with her last year
but cos of timing changes [they decided to go in 2005] i couldnt join her:(
had another meal with her and my grandaunt last year
and we have short conversations when we meet in church and stuff

next possible thing
she asked esther and i if we were interested to go to perth this may:)
well..its subjected to out parents approval
and the state of both our finances

12:04 AM
heaven in a wildflower

Sunday, February 18, 2007

chinese new year

agnes was back this time:)
after an absence of 3 years

the usual stuff..
-cleaning the house [it was relatively calmer this year]
-reunion dinner where half the food is eaten during preparation time:) and when i could indulge in my favourite once-a-year abalone:) we grated out own yu-sheng veg ourselves again this year. its really fun stuff just very tiring.
-visiting of houses - my family has a very busy first day usually
-wearing a skirt to which all relatives would suddenly say you look really pretty

the not so usual stuff..
-me wearing a sleeveless top! it belonged to agnes and miraculously matched my skirt. for the record the last time i wore something like this [other than prom and related stuff] was when i was 11.
-a change in itinerary for today cos my uncle who hosts the new year lunch every year could not book the function room for lunch. we met for dinner instead. a substantial amount of relatives were out of town too so the crowd was smaller.
-agnes back. we need to squeeze today in the car. not to mention that everyone goes " you are back?" or "wah..you come back for new year ah?" she was one of the stars of the day i think.

going my grandmom's house for combined lunch tmr. now that a regular fixture of cny:)

10:08 PM
heaven in a wildflower


my grandfather

i realised i have never said anything abt him here before.
just a little something from today

my family went to my grandparents' place early this morning for new year visitations as usual
as it is a sunday there was still going to be sunday services to attend
so after their house, my family and my grandfather set off for church

my grandfather is 77 years old this year
so like most old people he gets a little slower [physically]
and quieter [he has always been quiet] each year
i just didnt realise how he has been getting on with the years till today

we all took the lift down together
and from the lift landing there are a couple of steps to go down to the carpark
i happened to be at the end of the group next to him
we reached the small flight of steps [abt 4 of them i think]
i noticed that he slowed down and paused at the top
i stretched out my hand to offer him some help
he took it quite gratefully, held it rather tightly and we started walking down
he was slightly unsteady but we made it down and he walked over to my dad's car
and i to my aunt's car

its so interesting how things have become
he carried me when i still needed to be carried a long time ago
he used to go to pl pri to bring me home from school after cca sessions
[and give me 2 dollars each time:)]
today he needed my assistance to walk down steps

and i just realised that despite being his granddaughter for a pretty long time
i havent really got to know him beyond the usual grandparent-grandchild stuff
i guess i always just hang around with my cousins when we meet every sunday
plus there is a certain language difficulty [he mainly converses in foochow or chinese]
but thats an excuse i know
shall try to talk more with him

4:40 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

extreme makeover

1 hair cut
1 session of eye brow plucking
1 sleeveless top for cny

-hair cut
this was long overdue [8 months since the last one]
my hair was the longest it had ever been since i started growing it out in jc 1
so it was getting rather shapeless/messy and heavy if tied in a ponytail
anyways..esther and i went to our usual hair soloon at toa payoh for a cut

you know how i always think all hair stylists fail maths
today confirmed it
i have a conversation to proof [translated from chinese]
the guy: how much do you want to cut?
me: er..3 inches lah
the guy: you sure ah..how much is 3 inches to you
me: *using my thumb and index finger to gauge* around like that lor..
the guy: HAHA that is 2 inches to us!

and so..my hair is very short now [def more then 3 inches looped off]
the shortest it has been since j1
and very thinned-out cos him thinks i have too much hair for my own good

-eye brows
agnes was going on abt wanting to neaten her eye brows [we met her in ps]
and she was so insistent on having it [even though she was "rushing" to get home]
so after we spent the afternoon in ps we trooped back to toa payoh to hunt for a place
and all the while she was psycho-ing me to do it too

we got to TP and the search started
agnes said she did it there before but couldnt rem where the shop was!
we walked everywhere looking for a place/shop that does eyebrow stuff
and we finally found one after super long
it was a nice spa place - warm deco, music kinda stuff
agnes did first and looked like she was enjoying herself entirely
so i went second..
its an interesting experience - the plucking and "shaving" and shaping
and so..i have nice eyebrows now:)

-the new top
i hadnt completed my cny shoppping yet
i guess its cos i buy clothes throughout the year..i dun see the need to rush for cny
but my mom still requires us to be in NEW clothes for the first 2 days
so shopping today was for esther and i to get enough new clothes
we looked at the usual places in ps - esprit, outfitters' girl..
and couldnt find anything
esther then manged to buy a purple skirt from bysi
and i reconfirmed the fact that i cant wear full, swishy skirts
they just look bad, really bad and its very sad

we somehow decided to get to little match girl
agnes started browsing through the racks [typical right:)]
she pulled out a top "eh..your skirt at home is yellow right? i think this can match"
it was a light brownish tanktop top
me: haarrrr...sleeveless?!
she: yah..just try lah....
so i went to try it
and it turned out quite nice actually just that im terribly unused seeing myself in it
esther bought the same top in white
yup..i think we are sufficiently prepared for the new year lah

the only thing not so nice today was lunch
we ate at mathattan fish market - order a fried fisherman's catch [i think]
and it got so gilat after a while
too much fried stuff - oil and batter taste only
i think i finished my oil quota for the week eating there

yuppers it was a day of escaping from school work
have to catch up now!

8:12 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

happenings in 24 hours

*not in chronological order

1. vcf FT
2nd fellowship teaching that i have attended so far
it was in the btc campus so all of us from kent ridge side had to go over
its a nice place over there:)
i really like the FT sessions, its partly cos of the collective fellowship and worship i think
plus the speakers are good
today's sermon was on the social responsibility of a christian
i particularly liked his point that we are more influenced by our culture then we think
and after that dennis's meet team were taking orders for the tee shirts
shall give him my order on sunday lah:) eh..6 tees no joke man

2. meeting wei shieng for lunch
this was postponed from last week
well..eat with her usual lah - alot of questions to answer one:)
but you do a pretty equal amount of learning too
this was a relatively shorter session cos i had to go back to arts for lessons

3. finally meeting and talking to agnes 24 hrs after she came home!
yup..i saw the things she bought home for me and her big lagguage BEFORE i saw her
was just complaining to alot of people in school that her friends are seeing her first
well..she reached home at 12 plus [night]
we talked abit and snacked on ba kwa at the dining table together
planning to do a 3 sisters shopping thing tmr:)

yup..it was quite enough excitment for a day:)
and these were minus actual school stuff
which for record's sake a GEK tutorial and a geog lecture

10:58 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Sunday, February 11, 2007

boggled

been playing boggle like mad:)

-vcfers
played once so far
was up against really good players [grace and mark]
cant believe the number of words they can come up with in that few minutes
very very challenging

-tuition kids
have brought boggle for them to play a couple of times
like the fact that they would actually learn something out of it:)
they really like the game too
the pieces of paper and pencils, the looks of intense concentration..
although i cant play against them cos well..i sure win one
they are only 10 mah

-cousins
a variety of ages - 11, 9 and 7 plus my younger sis and i
they are actually pretty good at it
of cos the 7 year olds had some help from a few people here and there
we played until we were really tired from all the thinking

lets boggle:)

10:01 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Friday, February 09, 2007

school news

*realised that i havent been saying much abt this sem so far

well..the timetable for this sem has been much kinder
instead of extremely long breaks in between morning and afternoon/evening classes
my classes start pretty late now [average time of 12pm except one 8am day]
and i have 4 to 6 hour chunks instead
6 hours is abit long - brain fried at the end but i rather it in a way
plus i have an alternate 3 and 4 day week:)
only gripe is that because i have no substantial breaks usually
having projects meetings mean getting to school earlier:(

EVERY module has a project now
not those tiny 2 week projects only
but those major ones that count too much towards the final grade
thank God that my groups have been pretty ok
especially in the 2 modules that im taking alone
i have nice people to do projects with:)
so far there is only a particular someone that im not so happy with
but its tolerable to say the least
God is really teaching me to cultivate patience and a better threshold for whinitis
just that i feel like i havent been doing alot for the projects
so its time to start volunteering to do stuff huh

modules workload is pretty much the same as last sem
no lit and french but 3 level 2000 modules
and im still lagging behind on the readings *tsk tsk*
but really man..speed read also cannot finish on time
im pretty much enjoying everything
save for a slightly harder to understand geog module
but it isnt as jialat as it first was already
got used to the lecturer i guess and she is like leaving in a week's time!?

in other non academic matters
wei shieng and i are still keeping up with the biweekly lunches:)
just that we have only had it once so far
this week's session had to be cancelled twice due to *coughweishiengcough*
so its postponed till next week i think

vcf is getting quite good now
had gotten to know more people and the rest better
i guess im someone who takes quite long to warm up to people
yes, weird as it sounds
sharing among the cg members has been really good
and i have to lead bs for my cg next week!
better prepare it this weekend

and on a totally unrelated note
the flu/cold bug got me i think
can feel it is my bones, eh no nose
not too bad yet..hope it stays this way

10:11 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

a reassurance

*remember my post on fears? it was on jan 21. a friend [ming dao] read it and very kindly taught me some very important things regarding my last and final fear. i think it would be a great help to everyone so i have copied the email over here, with his permission of course:) so everyone..say thank you to ming dao:)

Hey Jane

I read this on your blog last week.

having God look at me and tell me He didnt know me at all even though i have been doing stuff in his name. [matt 7:21-23] a scene that has been drummed into my head during church sermons. its a very very scary thought and i shudder at the possibility of it. havent really figured out what is it to do for me to be sure, really sure.

Scary stuff hey. I was once slightly worried by this too, but it was made clearer to me recently, and I wanted to help you figure it out :)

Firstly, in context.

Matthew 7

A Tree and Its Fruit

15"Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 16By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 17Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 19Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.

21"Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22Many will say to me on that day, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?' 23Then I will tell them plainly, 'I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!'

***

Jesus seems to be giving warnings to his disciples and the crowd. Vs 15-20 appears to be a warning against false prophets, and vs 21-23 against false followers. Jesus knows his old testament well (altho he didn't call it that of course :p) and knew that the people of God were continually 'plagued' by false prophets. These guys prophesied exactly what the people wanted to hear, and never ever spoke God's word.I.e. the people would never be lead closer to God as a result of those false prophets' teachings

If a liar and deceiver comes and says,
'I will prophesy for you plenty of wine and beer,'
he would be just the prophet for this people!
Micah 2:11

And so Jesus very cleverly points out - how can you detect a false prophet? Well, by their fruit. A good tree cannot produce bad fruit, a bad tree can't produce good fruit! You can tell someone's sincerity based on their visible actions and faith. In today's context, we have the bible (100% God's word) that we can use to measure against any 'prophet'. If someone is saying stuff that's different from God's word (in context), or that doesn't lead to God being glorified or His people being brought closer to Him...well, you better ignore that teacher and his/her teachings.

Moving on. It's unsure whether calling Jesus "Lord" (as in vs 21) was calling Him God or just a title of respect. Whatever it is, those people who were pleading to Jesus had somehow missed the point - they had failed to do the will of Jesus' father in heaven.

"Many will say to me on that day..." Here Jesus refers most probably to the Judgement day itself, when all our thoughts and deeds are laid before God and we have to give account of our life. God's question is implied: "Why should you be let into my heavenly kingdom?" The answers by the guys in this passage are clear:

"Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?" (vs22)

Jesus answers simply - "I never knew you". Why on earth would He respond like that? These followers appeared to have got it right, I mean...how many christians have reached the "skill level" of being able to drive out demons and perform miracles? Yet Jesus brushes it all aside.

And so the question remains, what answer should they have given? What gets us into heaven? Well, we do know the answer to that question! (FMC trains its youth well in terms of assurance of salvation) Our entry into heaven does not depend on us (thank God), but on God :) We will live with God forever, not because we have done good things in our life, but because Jesus did a great thing for us. Our place in heaven is secure because of Jesus' finished work on the cross!

And that's exactly what Jesus spent so much time preaching about on earth. In all his descriptions of the Kingdom of God, he never described it as an earthly kingdom based on force and might (which is what the Jews expected), but something...more subtle. A kingdom that's ushered in through the sacrificial Lamb, and established on the faith of the believers. Matthew 15 and 20 contain more of Jesus' parables on this kingdom (His analogies seem obscure, but it's so that you'll think hard ;)

So who are the false followers of Jesus? Well, it seems that it's those who believe they are Jesus' followers because they have done all these things in His name. When trying to get into heaven, their only answer is "but we did this, and we did that..." etc. It reflects their attitude, and where their faith really lies, deep down - in themselves. Those who think they know God because they are merely doing all these things for God will be terribly shocked to find out that God doesn't 'know' them.

What is the reason the true follower gives, when asked why he/she should be allowed into God's eternal presence? Eph 2:8-9. "I'm not worthy Lord, and can stand only in the blood of the Lamb that has washed away my sins". The true believer's faith lies completely in Jesus and in what He has done. And of course they would have done good deeds in their life too, but it was done only as a response to the salvation they had been given, not earned. Jesus can judge based on a simple answer like that, because it reflects the underlying attitude of the heart.

And so we are encouraged, and still warned. Encouraged because we can know that God is in the business of saving sinners, and isn't the sort who would lead us on and surprise us on Judgement day by saying "too bad, you missed the point!". Those whom God rejects are those who have already rejected God, and the only reasons they can give God for letting them into heaven are superficial ones.

Yet we are warned because of this same thing! Do we believe we are getting into heaven because of what we have done for God, or because of what God has done for us? Are we missing the point (faith in the sacrifice of Jesus) and just 'serving' God artificially? The consequences of this are terrible.

We come back to what you said in your post:

"havent really figured out what is it to do for me to be sure, really sure."

Well, we know what the answer is now, don't we :) How do you be really sure that God's gonna look at you and say "well done, good and faithful servant"? It's nothing that you've done, but everything that God has done. And if you have already come to terms with the fact that you are a sinner and have accepted Jesus' sacrifice as the punishment for your sins, you can be sure, really sure, that you will be embraced by Jesus on that day.

Hope that helped. God is such a good God isn't He? :)

Mingdao

8:35 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Friday, February 02, 2007

psalms

been reading one psalm a day for qt
figured the bible is going to be better then the qt material around
and man..king david was such a good poet
the psalms are so heartfelt and lyrical at the same time
his complete trust in God is so evident in the words he penned

I lie and sleep
I wake up again , because the
Lord sustains me
psalms 3: 5

6:44 PM
heaven in a wildflower