i am a flower quickly fading

Monday, April 30, 2007

intruder in a family dinner

it was nice food
it was nice place
the people were very nice

but just felt a little weird lah
erica..im never going to do it again man
everyone was nice and friendly but it just feels a little strange
plus my mom wasnt too pleased with it
she thinks that i intruded on your family dinner

but thank your parents again for being so generous:)

10:48 PM
heaven in a wildflower

for some reason the formatting of the post below is out of whack.
ok..it just got marginally better after alot of tries

12:37 AM
heaven in a wildflower

Sunday, April 29, 2007

hanging out at the gardens

aaron and jerry

py and me

the goooooddd fondue we shared at ice cube:)

unglamarous py slurping up the leftover choc

the "normal plain" martini at happy daze

and the lime magarita we shared that didnt taste very nice

it was a super last minute gathering today
and i didnt even dare assume my parents would have allowed me to go
cos it was so late plus we planned to meet at a pub
my mum was kinda worried but still they allowed me lah:)
although they wanted me home by 11
was surprised and well..glad

well..in the end we started the night with everyone arriving late
i thought i was going to be the latest but it turned out i was the earliest!
the boys brought us to ice cube for fondue:)
lovely soft red sofas which were just nice for my height:)
the choc fondue was fantastic:)
and everyone was getting high even before the alcohol

we left and walked over to happy daze for the alcohol
py wanted her dirty martini [apparently its a martini with 2 olives]
but they didnt have such a thing
and the bartender didnt even know what it was?!
she had to settle for a "plain" martini
ordered a jug of lime magarita too which wasnt well done at all
[i sound like such an experienced drinker, let me assure you i dun drink 99% of the time]
the food we ordered was a rip off too
we are never going back there man

the night was pretty fun:)
we four just being stupid and crappy and loud
wasnt the drunk kind of loud..just hyper
or maybe just cos py was there:)
we must have more of these sessions lah
just chilling out and hanging around
and the total cost of today..
23 plus 70 dollars

11:59 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Saturday, April 28, 2007

no longer fresh

year 1 is gone and done with
2 sems
10 modules
9 exams
1 language of which i have kinda forgotten
5 term papers
7 [i think] major projects that ended with term papers
2896941 [felt like it] words written for papers/projects and the exams

super fast lah
still rem the lousy times in jc when we seriously wondered if we were ever going to make it to uni with our pathetic grades. well..we have managed to finish a year at least:) its something worth celebrating right:)

and another thing to celebrate
i secured a job already:)
back at the kindergarten i was at last year
pay is low but there are perks to the job
starting next weds:)

5:05 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Friday, April 27, 2007

Fight of Faith

Here I am,
at your feet,
crying out to you.

Draw me near,
hold me close,
Lord I wait on You.

For Your my greatest love,
You're my comforter and strength.
You're the first, You're the last,
You're my guiding light.

I will run, I will soar, on eagle's wings
As I wait, on You Lord, my strength is restored.
Fixed my eyes on You Jesus, as I run this race.
Help me fight this Fight of Faith.

10:04 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

horror of horrors

i have lost my matri card!
must have dropped it after that se1101e exam in the MPSH
argh!!

i have filed the online loss report already
but what a thing to happen man..
and now i have to pay 15 bucks to replace it:(

o well
no one to blame but me
and if my parents get to know abt it, i'l heard no end of it

5:35 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Sunday, April 22, 2007

musings of a 20 year old

it doesnt feel any different:) but yet something is. its not only a year older, its like you have finished a decade and on standing on the edge of another. but well..i guess this liminal feeling would fade like erm..tmr?

many thanks to all who smsed wishes
or verbally gave them
and those who gave stuff
all are really greatly appreciated:)

i received:
money:) this year's "crop" was especially bountiful [parents, grandparents, relatives]
a hardcover notebook from my parents
cookies from bonnie which was largely eaten by other people in church
small purple nike bag from aunt
travel[?] book from a few church people
a foxtrot comic book from erica and sam
3 handmade cards from the 11, 9 and 7 year old cousins [i feel so so loved:)]
the other 7 year old cousin also wrote a sweet msg in the card [plus cash] from her parents
new briks from me to myself:)

thank God for another year of extravagant blessings
for only He sustains life and gives it abundantly
so i pray for many more decades:)

*i know the title conotes a reflective/pensive post. but due to certain compelling circumstances which i cannot ignore aka as exams, this part would probably come after everything is over. thats if it makes it to cyberspace and if i decide to post it here. wait and see yah although i guess the only interested party is me right?

the only sian thing at the back of my head. im probably going to be doing exams during the next few birthdays:( i'll manage.

11:23 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Friday, April 20, 2007

cathartic outburst

ARGH
the exams!

im so unprepared!

*batteries empty, back to usual lucid self*

yup the exams are here again
from the 23rd to the 28th
5 papers in 6 days
3 morning, 2 afternoon

one thing im sure of
a very sore arm

incoherence sets in yet again
and its back to readings [hopefully]

11:13 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Round 1

finally a decent photo:)

dinner at sizzler's last night:)
the four of us [3 of us ignoring the exams for a while]
yep..for my birthday which is coming pretty soon
hitting 2-0 already
dunno whether to be happy or sad actually

anyways had great food there
the endless salad bar/soups/fruit/erm what-else-there-was
sam and i had steaks
erica had grilled fish and bonnie had chicken [not sure exactly the dish]
plus bread for the table and ice cream
best of all..its was a treat for me:)

after that
i dragged bonnie along to do eyebrows:)
mine were growing out again after the last time
[jiejie see your fault lah..]
the other 2 refused to do it cos its painful
well..we all start from there i guess

9:24 AM
heaven in a wildflower

Sunday, April 15, 2007

R.I.P

my mouse has offically died
it was indispensable while it lasted
and i cant stand using the cursor "touchpad" on the laptop
but i'll manage till i get a new one

hopefully it would deter me from using the laptop less
well..hopefully..:)

11:44 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Thursday, April 12, 2007

tick tock goes the clock

had the last vcf session of the sem [year] today
so it was extra special for the graduating people
loads of photo taking plus poking of each other in the ribs = insanity
and i was wrongly accused by sharon for ruining all her shots:(
[ie. pulling her hair and poking her just before the flash goes off]
but it was great fun:)

unlike most people im not very close to the vcfers
cos i dun hang out with them except on thursday
but i enjoy their company and the cg sessions
esp the suppers and the mrt rides home with kumuthan and eugene
and erm..kumuthan's fetish with "esoteric" cos i popularised it:)
that was his FAVOURITE word to use during cg

so its the time of the sem again
the brilliant slacky week before reading week
when all the termspapers and projects are done
and some results are in
and the exams are starting again

this sem has been a lot harder compared to the last
havent been on the top of a couple of modules
and looking at the exam papers makes me wonder what i have been doing the entire sem
major sigh
how to pull up the CAP!
think maintaining also quite hard
must start studying again

but i really thank God for the grace he has showed me this sem
that the grades i have been securing are pretty ok
nothing too fanciful but very safe so far
and i had some terrific group mates in all my project groups
except 2 anomalies that well..made me learn to appreciate the good ones:)
thank God for sustaining me through the whole sem
im really grateful

can you believe it
i have nearly finished my first uni year
super duper fast lah

11:54 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

dinner for 4

met a strange bunch of people today
jerry, xiao hui and mingyao
all from my first 3 months ny class
cos mingyao is enlisting into the army this fri

we had dinner at cafe cartel
both boys had some fish and prawns combo
while xh and i had a beef lagsana each
plus the usual bread baskets

had so much fun talking and goofing around:)
seriously havent gone out together before
and i never knew mingyao was such a easy-to-talk-to person
as in i knew he was nice but i never got to know him then
the chats over the meal - a mixture of uni and army as usual
plus the under table activity:) [some legs just cant fit properly under the table]
k..that sounds really suggestive..o well

after ending dinner at abt 820 we started walking around for a bit
a bit too early to go home right
then we kinda decided to head somewhere for drinks
not the alcoholic variety but the gelare kind
so we trooped to gelare and plopped down on the red booths
and continued the conversations/jokes/insults/wisecracks
till abt 930 before we decided that it was time to head home

more yakking with the guys on the train before i got off at potong pasir
must have more of these things after the exams:)

10:44 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Monday, April 09, 2007

punctuality revisited

there are a 101 reasons to be late
out of which probably only less than 10 are perfectly legitimate excuses
punctuality is a discipline thing
a self discipline issue

im an arts student yah
and im punctual most of the time [yes..i do get slightly late sometimes]
contrary to stereotype that all arts people are hopelessly late
although looking at the way most people work
its no wonder that they form such an impression
i was the recipient of such terrible conduct the past few days

what i cannot stand is the fact that the problem feeds itself
people assume that the project meeting would begin late..
since people are inevitably going to come late anyway
so they purposely turn up late!?
like hello..you are part of the problem!
go figure *insert cross look*

i have promise myself that i would be an anomaly
to prove the very sorry stereotype wrong
in any case, i can never understand how people can be so baltently/chronically late
i think its reasonable up to a max of 15 mins [and its already pushing it]
anything more..you clearly didnt mean to appear on time at all
i get back to this..lateness is a life style

i wonder actually
if you cant have the discipline to get to school on time
what makes you think that you would lose this bad habit in time for work next time?
and if you cant have the discipline to attend group meetings on time
what makes you think that board meetings/meetings with clients would be different?
its a real perplexity

10:32 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Sunday, April 08, 2007

hallelujah Jesus is alive!

And You lived
You died
You rose again on high
You opened the way for the world to live again
Hallelujah, for all You’ve done

Love crucified, arose
The Risen One in splendor
Jehovah soul Defender
Has won the victory
Love crucified, arose
And the grave became a place of hope
For the heart that sin and sorrow broke
Is beating once again

the grave could not hold the king:) Christ did die - reject all the speculations that he didnt, merely fainted or that the story was fiction. the death is as real as the resurrection. knowing that my God conquered death makes me so glad to know him. all sin was erased with his sacrifice and new life is possible because he rose again. we do not live in fear but victoriously because true life was given through the death and resurrection of Christ. Christainity is special not because the king died but because death could not defeat him. Easter concludes the week's tragic events with a triumphant and glorious end

the empty grave is there to prove my Saviour lives:)

8:33 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Thursday, April 05, 2007

i nailed him there

-the hammer-
I was in the crowd
The day that Jesus died
And as He hung upon the cross
His mother cried
I saw the crown of thorns He wore
The stripes upon His back
The water and the blood ran out
And then the sky turned black
My mind was filled with anger
My heart was filled with shame
This man brought only healing
Who could bring Him pain
Why does it seem the strong
Always victimize the weak
And suddenly I found myself
Standing to my feet

-chorus-
And I cried,Who nailed Him there?
This child of peace and mercy
Who nailed Him there?
Come and face me like a man
Who nailed Him there?
And the crowd began to mock me
I cried, Oh my God,I do not understand
Then I turned and saw the hammer
In my hand!

I am just a Roman soldier
An ordinary man
I love my wife and children
I do the best I can
How could I have killed Him?I
t must be someone else
There's got to be an answer
I just can't blame myself

-chorus-

I nailed Him there
The child of peace and mercy
I nailed Him there
I am the guilty man
I nailed Him there
With my sins and my transgressions
I cried, Oh my God,Now I understand
When I turned and saw the hammer...
In my hand!

and its the holy week again. it started with palm sunday last week which marked Jesus' triumphant entry into the city. the people welcomed him and cheered as he rode in on the donkey. so amazing how the sentiments changed so drastically within a few days

today is maundy thursday on which we remember the last supper which we now observe with the bread and wine during holy communion. the sequence of events of the nights follows that Jesus went to the garden of gethsemane to pray where he was so anguised that he sweated blood while praying. and from here we have the "not my will but yours" act of obedience to God. Jesus knew full well the pain that was to ensue but he still went. he was betrayed with a kiss and arrested by the people; very gleefully.

and hence follows good friday. Jesus was sent to the various persons of authority in the attempt to "try" him. the crowd was more interested in ensuring he was crucified than the fact that pilate knew him to be inncoent. the crowd won and Christ was exchanged for a murderer. He was flogged so brutally that there possibly was not a shred of skin left on his back. i wonder how he endured everything. the account follows with the walk/stagger down the via dolarosa to calvary. he was nailed to the cross and hung for the world to scorn and mock. at 3 in the afternoon [as we tell time now] he died erasing the sin of all time and the burdened with sorrow of rejection from the Father.

glad the story doesnt end here but 3 days later. so shall this be finished on sunday too. for without it the sory would not be complete.

i love Jesus for dying for me
i know that many times i fall short of what i am supposed to be
but i thank Him for accepting me and loving me
despite me being one who nailed him there
and i love him so much for it:)

and..watch out to see if tmr would rain:)
God has never failed me since i learnt abt this little thing

10:13 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

my dad the man

the way my dad does things sometimes
you really need to have a lot of faith in him

but then again..

since he is my dad
i have a lot of faith in him

11:13 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Monday, April 02, 2007

jane is a happy girl

well i am always happy
just happier now:)

cos the social issues report is done!
and uploaded on the IVLE as of 9:59am today
not without any mishaps but its handed it:)
*cartwheels*

cant believe i spent half a day in school yesterday [350 to slightly over 9]
i mean..it was a sunday!
desperation calls for drastic measures
at least we managed to come together to pull of a decent attempt
well..most of us..
and the 3 guys stayed till 11 plus!

i guess this experience with this group taught me alot of things
such as how quick i am to form negative impressions of others
and how easy it is to succumb to peer pressure
despite thinking that i am pretty "strong" already

i used the doctored survey results
i helped to slightly change the ones for the youths
so much for me saying that i would stick to my guns..
and never allow myself or my group to do it
i cant believe how lightly people take the faking of survey results
according to them, its the normal way of doing things
and its actually pretty ironic
cos coming up authetic fake answers is very tough actually
so it doesnt make life easier as opposed to really doing the surveys

sigh..i will be more resolute next time
or erm..choose some more like-minded group mates?

despite all my grievances over this group
yesterday's "choinging" session was quite kick-ass:)

5:45 PM
heaven in a wildflower