look back in _________

*taking inspiration from glori's blog
the third generation one

we never only grow physically older and larger. we definitely mature alongside too, hopefully shedding our childish ways and replacing them with grown-up behaviours and mindsets. this gradual change is usually for the better and should be anticipated and in a certain way, celebrated.

many times, we look back at the past with delightful memories, faint asumement, sheepish-ness and slight embarrassment. we wonder how could we be so shallow then, focusing so intently on minute things which clearly have lost their importance. its common to realise we squirm when we remember and read blog archives [if available]. how was that person me? how did that play a part in making me today?

i too have a love-hate relationship with my blog archives. granted it only chronicles parts of my life since july 2005 but it saw me through alot of changes. jc student, kindergarten helper, pl relief teacher, nus student, church tuition teacher.. i like reading through what i have written before although there are entries which i cannot bear and i'll scroll over rapidly. similar to glori, i cringe at my poor former childish self and writing.

yet..we would always be looking back. old blogs new blogs. yesterdays todays tomorrows. are we supposed to look back and scorn ourselves? for tomorrow we would be scorning today's self. we do not live each day, or write about each day only to laugh at ourselves in the future.

the past is over, is funny, is trashy but it was/is necessary. it is the basis for self reflection. it has a part in moulding who we are today and tomorrow. whatever we think as hopelessly trival upon hindsight was important then and rightly so. the limited vocab and expression then should be expected. its all part of the essential and inescapable process of growing up. we learn from the past - good experiences and bad mistakes.

"..also sometimes am amazed at how the human mind spins through a journey of wonderous change" [tan, 2007 - i couldnt resist:)] says it beautifully. and personally i hardly think she had a pittance of vocabulary before but thats another issue.

how do you look back?
i leave you to fill in the blank yourself.