i eat my words

i thought i wasnt going to feel upset cos i asked God to give me what i deserved
but the hard truth is..i do feel slighty sore
ok..substantially sore

i didnt do very well
whether seen objectively or compared to other people
im still within the range for honours
but i made it in by the skin of my teeth

its the comparing
whether comparing with people i dun know [friends of friends]
or with people i know very well
its the comparing that got me,
my ego was bruised, my pride took a beating
not that i wished more people did worse than me
but it does seed the thought that i should and could have done better
the nasty egocentric person in me wants to do better than anyone else

i will work harder next sem to pull up the grades
there is no use in whining and complaining abt these on
my grades shall not consume me

if you must know and not that i need to hide them
the grades are..
geog - A
lit -B+
natural heritage of spore - B
soci - B-
french - C+
CAP: 3.6

soci was very disappointing.
i expected to do much better - i was aiming for an A
french was expected cos my tests were nowhere good
i was scraping by most of the time
natural heritage is a relief
it was my worst module the entire sem. im really thankul for the grade
lit is a mix of surprise and thanksgiving
i thought i totally screwed up the exam paper
geog was expected actually
i really enjoyed doing the final exam and i left knowing i wrote well

i thank God for the sem
and i want to thank Him for the results too
i did earlier but the amount of sincerity was zero
it was a duty, an item to be ticked off the "must do" list
i hardly think that counts at all.

And though I haven’t lost my faith
I must confess right now that it’s hard for me to pray
*and that is rather true