the struggles that often go unnoticed


*something that i was talking to a friend about a few days back. some stuff i write are actually her words but i think she wont mind:)


many christian books today celebrate the discovery of Christ's love to a once non-believer. people like hudson tylor, nicky in 'run baby run' and many more non-famous friends all at some point made a wise choice to believe in Christ.


its not surprising that we devote so much attention to these people. many of them, esp those whose home countries do not have a tolerance for the disciples of Christ, go through much for their decision. many battle familial objections, ridicule from the people around and even a certain hostility from their countrymen. despite all these, they chose to follow the road less travelled and remain steadfast. the books/biographies honour their courage.


still others write about their journey from being an anti-christian to a christian. a famous one being 'lee strobel' who found the Lord while on his attempt to disprove the faith. atheists who were so strongly against finding themselves drawn to Christ for a variety of reasons. their books document a lifetime of struggles that ultimately ended in the best, though unforeseen, way.


which brings me to the point of this entry. what about us, me? many of us are what is commonly termed "2nd/3rd/4th... generation christians" meaning which our parents/ grandparents.. also believed in God and they were the ones who brought the faith to us. basically that means we are brought up in a good christian home[im assuming that our parents are good christians here] and in a good christian culture. we were brought to church since forever, placed in sunday school the moment we could enter. we were taught to go to church every week, place the little coins/dollar notes in the offering bag, memorise the short verses, sing and do the actions to the sunday school songs...you get it.


i really agree that its a blessing to have a christian family. but sometimes i do yearn for the 'life transforming' experience that many talked about. it makes me think that my faith would have alot more weight in a way. and it was a choice that 'i made'.


sometimes i wonder if my faith is real, whether if truely can stand whatever tests that come its way.


sometimes i wonder if going for service at 8am every morning is sheer habit or because i really want to.


sometimes i wonder if i do quiet time because i was told its right or because i really want my hot date with God.


sometimes i wonder if i would ever get down to tithing instead of being satisfied with the usual $2 and occasional $5 and very very rare $10.


sometimes i wonder if my advice to others is because i know what is the right thing to say or because in really mean and believe it.


sometimes i wonder if i do bs/serve in church because i am obliged to or because i find a joy in it.

sometimes i wonder if being a a christian is culture or conviction.


sometimes i even wonder if Jesus wasnt brought to me by my parents, would i have loved him.


if only there were books that talk about these struggles too. i know i can really really identify with it. like all the issues with complacency, taking God for granted, the 'borrowed faith' mentality.. i dunno about you but i soometimes feel that as i grow and learn, im regressing in ways at the same time too! somehow believing when you were young was so much easier.


but all these being said, i have to say that i really thank God for my family and all its christian-ness. to have parents who insist we go to church, allow us to participate in church activities, pray with and for us. i wouldnt trade them for anyone else. i truely am grateful that they brought the Lord to me, or me to the Lord rather.


the struggles often go unnoticed but the blessings are far-reaching too. that i have to admit:)