i am a flower quickly fading

Thursday, September 29, 2005

how far would you go?

how far would you go to share the gospel with other people?
how much would you endure before you give up?

something that made me question myself on that..
i got a call from someone i didnt know on my handphone
well..she was from the company that distributed the TIME magazine i ordered
and she wanted to ask me to renew my order

it didnt stop there..
she emailed me the infomation
and smsed me other smaller stuff which i cant remember

the best thing..she came to my home to send the free gift
it wasnt something very big or expensive
yet she made the effort to come to my home at 10pm! and she only knocked off at 9!
talk about working hard
and about good service to your doorstep in all sense of the word

well..she went to such great lengths to sell the magazine to me
would i go as far to bring the gospel to a friend?

we sing of going 'to the ends of the earth'
do we really understand what implications that promise holds?
or do we even fully realise the need to spread the word?
are we willing to step out of our comfort zones to extend God's kingdom?
even to people who seem not the care about what we do

how far would i go?

1:57 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Monday, September 26, 2005

just uploaded the recent pics i've taken
hopefully the link appears on my 'links' page
cos it cant seem to make up its mind whether to stay there or not

anyway..enjoy:)

5:23 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Friday, September 23, 2005

eventful days of post exam celebrations

-wednesday-
ended exams
arranged to go out with my siblings[unhappening i know]
went for a movie and had a very important mission to accomplish
and i mean very important..
we erm..had to make sure that we took a photo:)
laugh all you want..haha

you see..my family has this tradition
the kids take a photo on a certain rock in bishan park every 3 years
its our 6th one this year
took them when i was 3,6,9,12,15 and this time 18
hopefuly we will continue this for a very very long time
till we are grandparents or something

had dinner and i went shopping with agnes
the younger 2 went home first
bought a top which i erm..dun think i will wear in the near future
followed her round doing her last minute shopping

-thursday-
didnt have to go to school cause exams were still on
lazy morning at home
its feels so great lounge around doing nothing very productive
got my ezlink from a very nice su zhen:)

went out with agnes at 1
wanted to go to some warehouse sales
but..the rain came and we decided to go somewhere else
ended up at harbour front shopping centre
walked around, agnes bought many many things
and forced me to buy a computer mouse for her
which the very generous me did:)
decided to have a drink at coffee club..first time i have ever done so with her
and some very nice cheesecake

went to the airport at about 845
yep..agnes leaving on a jet plane back to school
met a couple of church pple who came
said my necessary goodbyes and off she went
shall see her in 10 months time cos she wants to go travelling
suddenly..that seems like an awefully long time..
*studying hard to fly to uk next june

-friday-
class post prelim party!
at the east coast[i can just see that face erica:)]
arranged to meet at 10 but only 2 pple were there on time[and i was 1 of them!]
the rest streamed in till about 11
had lunch and went to play.. :)
and dunk arron and terry into the water..

went cycling from 115 to 315
was this 'pay 1 hour 1 hour free' thingy
and we cycled for 2 solid hours
my butt was seriously protesting from the torture
and my legs are aching from the exercise
but it felt good..
exhilarating would be a better word:)
ms kwok came at about 2 and we made her cycle the double bike
did random things after that
had alot alot of fun playing games like 'dog and bone'

finished everything at about 5
few of us went to macs for drinks and dinner for some
left for home after 6
cabbed back with ms kwok, terry and arron
was in the taxi of a very interesting driver

passed by pl sec on the way home
the one that i studied in..not the holding school
seeing the 'remains' of it was kinda painful
nostalgia came back quickly too

spent about an hour plus on the phone at home from 8
talking to bonnie:)
havent had such a good talk with you for such a long time

so there..my wonderful use of time after the prelims
there is so much more i want to do
but time premits nothing[at least when monday comes]
shall make the best of the weekend that is left:)

11:11 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Thursday, September 22, 2005

with much gratitude

to Ben for willingly going to the general office to find my ez link
and walking to Su Zhen's house to drop it off

to Su Zhen for walking all the way to my home to send it
funny that i was the one who lost it but everyone else walked instead

to the person who found it and brought it the the general office
i dunno who you are but thank you anyway

and to God for protecting it
i know that i didnt bring the problem to You
but thank You so much for making everything work out:)

10:35 AM
heaven in a wildflower

Wednesday, September 21, 2005

the reason i blog - an episode of self realisation

something i have been thinking about since the day i started to blog
it would be a tad too extreme to call it a struggle
but it has been an issue

ever since the concept of blogging gained popularity, i have been hooked. not on the blogging part but the reading of them instead. as i found out more and more people i knew who had them, the number of blogs that i followed increased. soon..i was 'tracking' about 15 blogs on a regular basis[which meant each time i went online] i guess its this inate 'kaypo' side in all of us, wanting to know what is going on in the lives of other pple around..concern for them at best and voyeurism at worst. yet throughout this time, i decided against having a blog of my own, one reason being that i didnt want pple knowing all the contents of my mind and heart[yep..irony of the year]

i finally succumbed to the lure of having one of my own about 2 months ago. since then, blogging has somewhat become a new hobby of mine. to say that i enjoy blogging would have an extent of accuracy..thinking about issues to blog, writing down my opinions on matters or basically to remember the day's fantastic happenings. this blog has certainly been very well used, by myself at least. but was i writing for myself only, or with an audience in mind?

i didnt really publise the fact that i started one, for the reason..see above. i told really few pple about it actually. somehow, the idea that people reading my blog didnt sit too good with me. [somehow doing it yourself to others is different from having others do to you]but..nothing is ever very private on the boundary-less internet is it? soon, more and more pple found out..some whom i never even remotely thought would know. when i found out..i cringed[inside]

suddenly, i felt much more exposed. i felt the need to be more careful with the way i blog. there is always the chance for misinterpretation to happen. and for misunderstandings to take place yet..in a sense it felt good having people read my words. thats what blogs are for, arent they? ultimately most people blog for others to read, dont they? but..i am unsure what this blog is to me, what is the reason i blog?

to rewind back to my first entry, i said that i wanted to use this as an avenue to proclaim Christ. my style is to discuss an issue/event that took place and give my, hopefully sound, christian take on it. is that considered? yet it can be said that i blogged for myself only, using those posts to iron out my thoughts, formulate my arguments and sort out the opinions in my mind. i used this as a platform to air my views, or some may say, to impose them on others instead.

but its still my desire to share Christ with everyone. in that case, i should be glad that more people are accessing this right? while the main reason i do blog is for myself[its a diary in the first place] i shall keep in mind the fact that pple can misconstrue the things i write. but in any case, i am not ashamed of the gospel that i share!

i know this is a disgustingly confusing entry. i have reread it many times trying to make it sound more concise but just couldnt make it any better. anyway..who do i blog for right?

11:43 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

counting down

1 day to the official end of prelims
2 days to agnes flying back to warwick
50 days to A levels
63 days to the end of A levels

isnt it funny yet sad that most of our time is measured round school and exams?
we hardly count down as 'religiously' to anything else, or am i wrong?
is there not more to life than our exams?
i should think so..

3:33 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Saturday, September 17, 2005

the blame game

just ended a week of exams, 3 more days to go
papers didnt go very well[whats new?]
essays that i couldnt complete, questions that i smoked through
i am tempted to blame everything, everyone but myself
but i know that it all boils down to me[most of the time at least]

its true that i didnt give my all to studying
and that i didnt manage my time well during the papers
who can i blame but myself, if i dun do well?
God may work in miraculous ways but am i to expect his them?
would this be a lesson learnt for me?

there plenty more that i want to blog about
seperate issues, things i have been thinking about
watch out for them after my prelims end
on 210905

9:30 AM
heaven in a wildflower

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

reality check

have i done my best
have i stood the test
is HE satisfied with me?

9:41 AM
heaven in a wildflower

Saturday, September 10, 2005

temporary hiatus

taking a break from constant blogging for a while
yep..its the dreaded prelims[like what else right?]
probably wont be posting[much] for the next 2 weeks
but..i will still come back to check on my tag board:)

and to all the pple out there in the same boat as me..
i wish you all the best for the exams
trust in God to carry you through it:)
p.s:must work hard also lah

1:47 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Thursday, September 08, 2005

blood test saga part 2

oh well..
my mom was kinda worried, or paranoid, about me being anemic
so she wanted to talk to my family doctor about it

went to the clinic on monday
realised that she was on leave
so..we pushed it to the next day

tuesday..arranged to meet my mom there at about 1130
the place was CROWDED
i had to wait for 1 hour plus to see her
didnt wait in the end..no time lah

so..went back today again
think her nurses are highly amused by my nonsense
today "die die also must wait"
cos i dun want to go back again lah

finally met her
showed my blood test results to her
she said the same thing as the doctor on saturday
sigh..so had to do another blood test
there and then..[why dun they allow me time to mentally prepare?]
yup..it was the other arm this time
have to wait a week for the lab results - shows if i am merely anemic or suffering from telassemia[think this is the wrong spelling]

one thing i cant understand..
if i am really anemic..why are they still drawing blood from me?
they should be conserving instead!
the paradox of medical science

1:18 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

i know that my tagboard is screwed up
i know that the background is black just like the words
but i cant do anything about it *whine*

but..to prevent you from losing your sight trying to read wat you typed
i suggest you 'highlight' them to check first lah..
know wat i mean?

if you dun..
just tag me
hehe:D

5:37 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Monday, September 05, 2005

Good vs Bad

something that my friend was talking about one sunday
took me a few days to think about it
and here's my take on the issue

-good and bad christians-
is there any distinction between them in the first place?
if so..what makes one good or bad?
physical appearance, way of life or just someone's impression of them?

a brief background on everything..
my church friend, admitably not the most innocent looking person, was labled 'bad christian' by another christian in her class. very obviously, she is fuming mad..not because she is the one but cos her friends got the same treatment too[one who got it pretty bad]. in my opinion, the 'good christian' wasn't that great either..but anyway..

its just so inherent to judge others and categorise them as good or bad..despite knowing that we ought not to do so..a this innate self righteous attitude that we have in us. its certainly true that some pple are not as 'religious'[ in the broadest, most general sense of the word] compared to you or me. maybe if you looked at them and their behaviour, you cannot even tell that they are christians till you find out. but..does that give anyone the right to criticise, bordering on backstabbing, another brother/sister in Christ? perhaps you[or myself for the matter] have forgotten that none of us are perfect, and we never will. have you forgotten what Jesus said about this?

"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her[or him]."
john 8:7b

only if you can be sure that you are without sin will you be entitled to judge others, like God is. before you decide to say something not so nice about someone, perhaps it would be good to look hard at yourself first. once you realise that you are no different and could even act in the same manner, the urge to criticise may disappear. if i could be crude about this..quit being a pharisee!

before this post appears too one-sided, to the one who is judged..it would be wise to reflect on yourself too. no one would have a bone to pick with you for no rhyme or reason, unless its plain bullying. check the way you behave in front of others. its true that you have the right to act/dress/talk in any way you like or deem comfortable..but still be mindful about the impression that you give others. dun forget that above all, you are an ambassador of Christ! is this the image of a child of God that you want to show your friends..someone who is as worldly as them? your behaviour should point them towards God and as christians we have to be set apart. live your life in a way where others have no reason to criticise you. its very difficult no doubt, but when we make the choice to follow Jesus, we have to walk the talk! i dun profess to have attain that stage of 'perfection', i'm still learning and trying to do so too.. but we have to always remember to live our lives worthy of the gospel.

And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.
Col 1:10

yup..my two-cents worth:)

1:57 PM
heaven in a wildflower

Sunday, September 04, 2005

alone at home on a sunday morning

now..when did that ever happen?
it all started from yesterday..

went back to school for geog lesson still feeling fine
sat in an insanely cold spot in the ava room
actually the whole room was disgustingly cold
sat there freezing and watching my nails go purple[something that never happened before]
started feeling a little strange..body temperature a bit warm

ended our mass tutorial at about 1130
went to j8 to meet agnes for lunch as we prearranged
ate at pasta mania sharing each other's food
had a headache somewhere along the way
and..i still went shopping with her for a little while!

went home at about 2
had 1 hour to get ready for crosslink
decided to check if i was running a fever - i only get headaches when i am down with fever
and it was about 39 degrees high!
never in my 18 years did i reach that high a temperature..i usually stop before 38 degrees..
decieded to skip crosslink..made all my necessary smses
called my mom up to tell her and concussed for the afternoon
the sad thing about me is that i recently developed an allergy towards panadol[i can just hear you say "of all thing!" yep..its sad]
so..i could only hope to sleep the fever off..

younger sis came back from malaysia at about 530
she came up to talk to me for a little while and then left me alone to continue sleeping
poor her had to answer every frantic call that my mom made..not all were about me actually
finally woke up at about 630..realised that my temperature didnt go down
now..thats bad..

had dinner with esther at home..we were supposed to go out to eat but decided against it
what kind of dinner can you whip up with 2 pple at home?
o well..our specialty has to be eggs with cheese which was what we had:)

huddled up in my study room's sofa after that
with my sis fulfilling my every whim and fancy
having slept so much earlier..i was kinda talkative for someone so sick[ok..no relation]

my parents came back at about 930
took me to mount alvernia's 24 hour clinic
the place was kinda crowded
went to room 1 for the basic things..asking you what's wrong, taking of temperature and bp...
cos i had fever..i was sent to room 8..something like an isolation room:(

doctor saw me about 15 mins later
for some reason he thought i couldnt speak english
i think he couldnt exactly tell what was wrong with me..i couldnt too for the matter
he ordered a blood test to be done to check for dengue
a nurse came to do it..i thought it was those 'prick you finger thingy' only
i was wrong..
they needed more blood then that..!
she had a hard time finding my vein at first..
it was kinda fun watching the whole process in a sadistic sense
seeing the blood fill up the syringe and everything
and i realised that i am braver than my dad:) he wouldnt had dared to watch
was told that i had to wait 30 to 45 mins for the results..

results came out..and i dun have dengue[yet..the doctor cautioned]! phew..
had a bacterial cum viral infection..dun ask me what it is cos i have no idea
but apparently i am anemic?!
or suffering from a certain blood disorder?!
my haemoglobin level is 9.9 compared to the baseline of 11.5
i am flabbergasted
for one thing..i am hardly ever pale and neither do i faint..
i survived 4 years of npcc for goodness sake
anyway..the doctor wants me to go back for more blood tests..pain..
sigh..
but if its anything..let it be anemia
the bill came up to $92.15! cos of a $20 additional surcharge for the blood test!

so yeah..the dramatic story of why i am home alone on a sunday morning..

10:11 AM
heaven in a wildflower